a Heavenly New Year

Monday, December 30, 2013

A part of my mourning process is thinking about where my Gracie is now. I know she is with God and she is at peace but the tricky part for me is she is in Heaven.  I don't think about heaven much as it's a little much for my simple mind to comprehend.  I guess you might say it's a little too Sci-fi or mystical for me to grasp.  But I do think about my daughter being perfect and having no pain, no worries, no sorrow, no tears ever here on earth or in heaven.   I don't really think of her walking on the streets of gold being tucked into her perfect golden bed, again it's a little mystical for me to go there.  I just know she is at peace and she has always had peace and no pain from the time she was put into my belly to now.  I'm truly in awe of that and that makes me a proud and happy Momma.  Who doesn't want perfect peace for there children!

Coming back down to earth my days have been consumed with taking care of my boys.  I love feeling back to normal with busy boys, fighting, wanting this or that, spilling this, exploring that, going crazy, me getting frustrated, me getting tired from the daily chores and joys of being a mother! There is something refreshing about normal when your life has not been for months.  My days are busy and in the back of my mind my thoughts are on Gracie. I feel like I'm carrying her like I would in my belly but it's more like carrying her in my heart.  Then when my boys are a sleep and the night quiets down that I stop thinking and I start missing her.  It's not a painful missing her, it's just simply "I miss her Scotty."  

So as I said before I don't think of heaven much but I guess now that my daughter is there my mind has been curious.....A verse that comes to mind is Lord's prayer...  Matthew 6:10 Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven.  I know from scriptures that God is going to a make a new and perfect kingdom here on earth one day. So the best way I can think or grasp the thoughts of heaven is a perfect earth with no evil, no pain, no school shootings, no worry, no war, no hunger, no disease, no abuse, people perfectly loving God and each other with no hidden motives, perfectly like Christ. Yep even those thoughts are mystical as my boys maybe get along for a second!  But that's the best that I can grasp it right now.

Peace is another thought I can grasp when it comes to heaven.  I can grasp it because I have experienced peace here on earth. I think it's easy to pass by peace when all is well with your life, it's when your life has fallen apart that you don't necessarily grasp it (as that would be something you would do) but you experience peace, it's given to you...it's a gift of grace.  I think that's why the scriptures say it's a peace that passes all understanding.  And I guess in some ways that's how I connect my thoughts to heaven.....it passes all my understanding, but that peace is something God wants us to have here on earth as it's in heaven.

Yesterday I heard a song on the radio that brought me to tears thinking about my Gracie.  I was rocking out to "She talks to Angels" by the Black Crows.  So I had a slight mystical heavenly thought about my daughter talking to angels and how they know her name.....okay that's pretty cool!!   If you know anything about the song it's about a girl addicted to heroin.  I thought about Gracie and how she hasn't had to endure any hardship, addiction, or heartbreak. Then I thought of the many girls who have and are enduring and hurting here on earth.
I guess in the most simple way I can say it, my prayer for them is they too can have heaven on earth and peace this coming year!  
Hug the ones you love and find the ones that need one....Happy New Year! 

1 comment :

Rachel said...

I know you miss Gracie, Julie, but your perspective in this post is so healthy, having God's perspective. Trusting you continue to lean on God's presence, goodness and truth.
Love, Rachel